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The Eccentricities of a Revolutionary [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Chris Neilson

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(no subject) [Nov. 24th, 2009|09:06 pm]
Chris Neilson
-I feel like nobody understands me
-Sometimes I feel like I may have inherited some of my mom's bipolar disorder
-I'm so frequently lonely
-The holidays are miserable. Watching another family enjoy being together, while I sit and watch hugs and smiles as a spectator, all the while attempting to hold one myself so that nobody knows how I'm feeling.
-I hate who I've become.
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update [Jan. 27th, 2009|03:29 pm]
Chris Neilson
I haven't written in here in a looooooong time, what's new?

For me, there's quite a bit new actually. I have an amazing girlfriend of almost 2 months. We met on the "Are You Interested?" application on Facebook. Lame? Completely. But it worked out and that's all that matters. She clicked yes on me cuz she was bored and we started talking and ended up hitting it off even though neither of us had planned on anything coming of it.

I'm a student supervisor in Brody Caf now so I make slightly more money per hour than I did before. Unfortunately after buying people Christmas presents and visiting my gf I have a hugeee credit card bill and a car that still has more and more going wrong with it all the time haha. Yea, it kind of sucks... a lot. I will probably never catch up and have a usable car and no debt.

This summer I'm thinking about staying in E. Lansing cuz they have this thing where you get a free dorm for the summer and you do maintenance work. Cleaning and repainting all the dorm rooms. It would be really tough, hot work but it would be lots of hours and a free place and that is very important.

A new kid moved down the hall from us and he's kind of weird, but hopefully he breaks out of his shell soon. We need 2 more roommates for our apartment at State next year so hopefully he can be one of them.

there's got to be other stuff but I can't think of anything right now.

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(no subject) [Jul. 24th, 2008|01:53 pm]
Chris Neilson
I thought Obama's speech was really good! He touched on a number of important things, particularly environmental issues. He even did the entire half hour speech without an earpiece or cards to look at and read off of.
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A Dream Come True [Jul. 1st, 2008|12:13 pm]
Chris Neilson
[mood |enthralledadventurous]

There are very few things in my messed up life that I am sure of. Job security? nope. A place to always live? uh uh. Money? yeah right. My opinions about things? Not even. But there is one thing that I am sure of.

In my life I have had very little opportunity to travel. Aside from having lived in Arizona with my family from 1st-3rd grade, I haven't really got to do any traveling aside from Ohio trips for Cedar Point and an 8th grade trip to D.C. Despite this, I know that given the opportunity, traveling will become a passion of mine as it has been a burning desire within me for a couple years now. I want to see Japan, Australia, England, Tibet, France, any and everywhere. I think that if I had the chance to go see these other cultures my entire worldview would be thoroughly transformed.

I can't go to all these places alone though. I find it really difficult to find people that share in my love for the worldly and people who are as open-minded about things as I am. Though I am a Christian, I recently read two Buddhist books by a Buddhist monk, poet, scholar, and human rights activist named Thich Nhat Hanh. I still consider myself very much Christian but I enjoy incorporating aspects of his Buddhist teachings on peace and tranquility, including meditation, into my life. I am very open to these types of things while the majority would find it silly and trivial. I need to find someone open to experiencing the world. Someone whom would go on a "spiritual retreat" in an ancient Chinese city with me. Someone whom would never make fun of my "silly" value systems and would also help me by opening my eyes to all sorts of other viewpoints and take me out of my comfort zone as well.

Are you out there?
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(no subject) [Jun. 27th, 2008|09:21 pm]
Chris Neilson
Post anything that you want here, and post it anonymously. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love... anything. Make sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post as many times as you'd like. Then, put this in your LJ to see what others have to say.
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(no subject) [Jun. 22nd, 2008|01:56 am]
Chris Neilson
Please God please I just want to see my parents one last time.... PLEASE I promise I'll be good I don't care just one last timeeeee
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(no subject) [Jun. 22nd, 2008|01:15 am]
Chris Neilson
[mood |crushedcrushed]

Times are tough right now, there's no getting around that.

My car is going to cost between $200-$500 or so to fix (pure estimate though) and I literally have less than $100 to my name. Fortunately Cindy and Kerry are going to pay for it and I will be paying them back. This means that most all the work I do the rest of this summer is going toward making sure I have a car that will start when it needs to. I can't complain though, at least I have a car. Then I see all my friends with working vehicles, and some of which have pretty nice vehicles, and it's just tough knowing I don't know when I'll ever have money to actually buy a good reliable car. When I take this and couple it with medical bills that I'm going to get and then also really wanting to be able to do to the dentist and get my teeth checked and cleaned, I don't know when I'll ever have good financial stability. I feel like I'll always be in the hole. I really want to get a crown or something for my little tooth on the upper left side of my mouth because I really don't like my smile with that partial tooth I've always had and I think it would really help not just the way I look, but the way I feel about myself.
It's times like these that I really begin to miss my parents. We were never financially stable or well-off by any means at all. In fact, by the end of every month we could barely afford enough food to put in our mouths. The thing about my family though, is that we always found ways to make things work out for us. Even though our financial situation was horrendous, we still managed to go to the doctor and to the dentist and such. I just feel like I'm starting to get trapped more and more and that I'm digging myself into an ever-deeper hole even though I'm working and I'm really trying to get myself on the right track.
I just usually ignore the thought but it is SO hard to see everyone graduating and their enormously proud parents and family celebrating and giving them hugs and stuff. My only real family that I have is an aunt and uncle in South Lyon, MI and their kids who are a bit older than me and most of which are married. I also have one set of grandparents in Bay City but I don't associate with them too much. But that's it. That's really all I have. I'm not even very close to my aunt and uncle's family. At graduation everyone is there giving big hugs to their parents and taking pictures and stuff and then there's me hugging my teachers and friends and stuff and then my aunt and uncle. I have a lot of adults that look out for me but it's nothing like having your actual parents around. Neither of my parents lived to see me turn 18! I don't think they ever got to meet my first girlfriend, they weren't there when I got my driver's license, and they will never get to see me get married.

To Mom: You don't understand how bad you hurt me. Why can't you just be here with me, I need you more than I ever could have dreamed I would. I miss you so much you don't even know. I just want you to be able to go to dinner with me like you used to and introduce me to your friends and brag about how good I do in school and how handsome I am. I love you

To Dad: You tried SO hard and you never gave up. The doctor's just couldn't repair your heart. You stuck in there and I wish that my last couple visits with you could have been nicer and that you could have understood what was going on. It was so hard to see you like that in the hospital dad, but I know that you tried, I know it. You never would have given up I just know it. I just want to go to another Pistons game with you and hear your sarcastic jokes.I just want us all to go to dinner as a family one last time. Me, you, mom, and Michael. I know he misses you guys so much. We both just really need you guys, we we will love you both forever with the entirety of our hearts even if we didn't always seem like it when you were still alive. I can't wait to see you again.

I can't type this any more, I'll write more later
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I feel like... [Jun. 13th, 2008|10:28 pm]
Chris Neilson
McDonald's is sucking the life out of me. Assing 7a.m. shifts (originally mistyped as shits, perhaps more fittingly), tons of customers every morning/afternoon period, and I am left with less energy and it seems to be less happiness daily. I don't know why but for some reason since getting the job back I have seemed to be less happy and energetic and I don't like it. 
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I want my name to be spaghetti [May. 12th, 2008|02:57 am]
Chris Neilson
    Things are pretty good in general. I've been enjoying my time of nothingness, not having to worry about work or school for a short while, though I'm desperately in need of a job. I'm really hoping to get one at IGA down the street from me, that would be quite prime, indeed.
    Life shouldn't be taken too seriously. There's this girl that I'm interested in and I was sitting around contemplating whether or not I should tell her. After a few moments I realized, "Hey, if things don't work out, no need to stress about it. It's just something that happens and life still continues." So I just went ahead and told her. I am excited because we are hanging out Wednesday so I will see how things progress from then.
    Seriously though life is meant to be enjoyed. Stressing out about making the right impression or doing things perfectly is not what matters. What matters is doing what you love and enjoying the company of those around you. Laugh about everything, for there is little any of us will experience that should elicit much true sorrow. Smile often, for it is your smile that changes the world and not your frown. Be positive, for negativity only leads to negative results. Be true, for you are who you are and can't possibly be anything more or less. Be love, for it is love that makes the world a better place.

Be Peace.
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(no subject) [Apr. 26th, 2008|01:43 am]
Chris Neilson
[mood |peacefulpeaceful]

So I'm becoming a bit of a hippie. Certainly nothing full-fledgedly drastic however. I still plan on practicing good hygiene and shaving and everything, and can definitely not become a vegetarian. I am, though, becoming very much interested in protecting our environment, anything peace-related, and some degree of retro clothing.

I have also recently finished the book "Being Peace" by a buddhist named Thich Nhat Hanh. The book speaks to many things about life that I have always sort of agreed with but not had an ideology for. It is all about being peacefullness and joy, and seeing conflict from an outsider's perspective without picking sides at all. It also talks about how everything is interrelated to each other and everyone.

If I were any good at politics I would go into something politically related but I have absolutely no skill in politics and wonderful skills with psychology.

I feel like sharing a piece of "Slam Poetry" I wrote last week. It was my first attempt at ever writing slam poetry, but I hope you enjoy it.

The power

I am a person, simple, lacking wealth
I can do nothing, if I don’t believe in myself
With faith, the power to do nothing
Becomes the power to do anything
Think you can’t change the world?
Change your mind for your mind IS the world
The world is not static, it’s changing
to change yourself is to change the world’s staging
Change your ways, become a better man
Don’t bow to the man; do what you can
The power is within us
And the power, it is us
Change things for the better
Don’t sit and write letters
Get out and do something
Be something, see something
Something’s wrong and you sit
Sit on your ass while the world faces it
Think that it’s hopeless and you shouldn’t bother
Do something real, you’re not every other, Man

A man with a plan to do great things
A man that doesn’t stop he goes and he brings
Hope to the world, with little hope left
Hope in a time, when the timer is set
We don’t have long before it all comes down
You better stand up now, it’s coming down all around, You
You will get up and go out
Out into the place where you can finally shout
Go, tell the world let them know
People need to see what you see, So

Finally, you are ready and you can
Go out into the world and set forth your plan
You are limitless, you have all the power
All you need to do is set aside an hour
Spread truth, spread life, spread hope
Spread all the good, and stay away from dope
Spread your knowledge across the world now
Into every country, every city, every town
You have it all, tools, truth, and an hour
Go show everyone the strength of your power!

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